


The Hot Santa Hunt

by anecdotalist



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: A little bit of Christmas magic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 14:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9076426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anecdotalist/pseuds/anecdotalist
Summary: In which Anakin, Padmé, and Ahsoka embark on a quest to find the hottest mall Santa at the Corcuscant mall and Obi-Wan may just be actual Santa Claus. (With Cody, Rex, Waxer, and Boil as his military-trained elvish helpers/bodyguards.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote and posted this little ficlet on my [tumblr](http://likealeafonthewind.tumblr.com/post/154963060138/the-hot-santa-hunt) Christmas day but totally forgot to put it up here as well. So merry belated Christmas! It's just a bit of really crack-y fluff, partly inspired after my annual viewing of The Santa Clause.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> (I made some minor edits before posting this so for anyone who's already read the original post, this is essentially identical with just some grammatical corrections.)

Ten days before Christmas, Anakin drags Ahsoka to the Coruscant Mall where he's supposed to meet Padmé for their annual Hot Santa Hunt.

" _What_ exactly is this?" Ahsoka asks, sipping on her smoothie.

" _This_ is the most wonderful time of year, Snips! This is the time of year when people, mostly men, strap a pillow to their chests, put on a fake beard and a thick red coat, and pretend to have magical powers where they can answer all the little kids' requests for toys and ponies. This is the time of year when Padmé and I roam the corridors of the mall to scope out all the men in suits and try to divine how hot they are under all the beard and the pillow-belly," Anakin announces. Padmé snickers next to him. "And now that you're eighteen and legally an adult and therefore no longer a believer in Santa Claus, you can join us on our crusade!"

"I haven't believed in Santa since I was six, Skyguy," Ahsoka says dryly.

Anakin waves a hand at Ahsoka's correction.

"And why start so early?"

"Because sometimes there's a tie and we need to come back another day to reassess," Padmé answers matter-of-factly.

"Alright, enough of the chit chat. Time's a-wastin'! Let's go!" Anakin says enthusiastically and takes off.

"He really gets into this, doesn't he?" Ahsoka mutters to Padmé who just shrugs with a smile.

"We've got scorecards and everything," Padmé says, handing one such card to Ahsoka who snorts at what's on the list.

"'Crinkly eyes'?" she reads out. "'Sparkling eyes,' 'jolly laugh,' 'bright smile,' 'wears his suit well,' 'likelihood of being 100% ripped under the pillow-belly'?" She chortles. "I can't believe you guys do this every year and have never invited me!"

"Well, you're invited now, Snips, but if you keep holding us up, I will disinvite you for next year," Anakin says mock-threateningly as he doubles back. "Come on. We've got four floors and four wings on each floor and one Santa per wing and we don't want to miss them because they've gone on break. Chop chop, people."

Padmé rolls her eyes but they do set off for the top floor.

"We'll work our way down and then sit at the food court on the first floor to review the scores and debate over the rankings," she tells Ahsoka in the elevator.

They spend a couple of minutes hovering near each Santa set-up, pretending to peruse nearby stores and carts while they eyeball the Santa and mark down arbitrary numbers on the scorecard.

"How do you guys never get kicked out for stalking the Santas?" Ahsoka asks as they take the escalator down to the third floor.

"There's a ton of shoppers," Anakin says with a shrug. "And we're not causing trouble. Mall security's got better things to do than chase us out."

"Plus we usually end up actually buying things," Padmé adds wryly, holding up her little bag of perfume and gesturing at Aankin's bag from the video game store.

"Yeah...this can be a pretty expensive game," Anakin says. "Probably should have told you that."

Ahsoka looks at the cup of far-too-expensive coffee that she had bought at a stand because she needed something to do while she assessed how the Santa dealt with the kids in line. "Yeah, I can see that."

They get through another floor of Santas but as soon as they spot the second Santa on the second floor, Anakin freezes.

"Him!" he hisses excitedly. "That's the one! That's my pick for the winner."

"What?" Ahsoka protests. "We haven't even seen all of them yet!"

"This happens every year. Inevitably, Anakin falls for one of the Santas and declares that one the winner," Padmé says with a sigh. "Now, we're going to have to listen to him wax poetic about Santa's eyes."

"They're gorgeous," Anakin sighs. "Look at them. You can see the blue from here. And they're twinkling. Oh my god."

"Oh my god, are you serious?" Ahsoka asks. "How do you even know that's not a creepy old man under that suit?"

"No way. Look at his face. Not a single wrinkle in sight. He's not old at all."

"Okay, but creepy?"

"I'm starving!" Anakin declares instead of answering her question. "Let's get crepes!"

"And there's conveniently a stand right here selling crepes. Why do I get the feeling we're gonna get kicked out by mall security soon?" Ahsoka asks.

"Don't worry, Anakin can be pretty subtle when he wants to be," Padmé says.

"Really? Somehow, I don't quite believe you."

"Well, that's where we come in," Padmé says and Ahsoka finds out what she means when they've gotten their crepes and chosen a table with a clear view of the Hot Santa (prematurely dubbed by Anakin) and Padmé angles her chair so that a casual observer would think that Anakin's staring at her instead of looking past her at the mall Santa.

"I see. So when you said that Skyguy could be pretty subtle, you meant that you could work around his totally obvious stalker-ish tendencies."

"Mm-hmm. Well, I have had a couple of years to figure this out."

Anakin ignores them. "Okay, so he's got two guys dressed as elves. They must be twins; they look exactly alike. That's a cool idea. They're probably ex-military or something, too, judging by how they're standing," he narrates for Padmé and Ahsoka. "One of them's stationed by Santa with a tablet. He's typing in notes or something while Santa talks with the kids. What's he writing down? Their names? What the kid asks for? Oh, maybe to give it to the parents so that they know what to get for their kids? That's smart. This guy's a notch above the rest." Anakin nods to himself. Padmé and Ahsoka exchange amused looks.

"Aren't all the Santas supposed to do the same thing?" Padmé questions.

"What about his smile, Skyguy? How'd you rate that?" Ahsoka asks.

"A solid ten. In fact, he's a solid ten all the way down," Anakin says firmly. "And obviously, they might all have the minimal things they have to do but this one's going the extra mile."

"Obviously," Padmé repeats with a smirk.

"Hm, the other elf—oh my god, we've been spotted!" Anakin ducks his head down and busies himself with his crepe. "Fuck!"

Padmé giggles. "I'm sure it's fine, Anakin. They're probably amused that you're oogling Santa."

Ahsoka sneaks a look and sure enough, the elf standing next to Santa has bent down and is whispering in his ear. Santa turns and looks right at them and then his eyes crinkle up with his smile. "Well, I definitely agree with you about his eye crinkle and his smile. Perfect ten."

"'soka! Don't look over there!" Anakin hisses.

"Oh, come on. What're they gonna do? They've got a whole line of kids waiting to talk to Santa, it's not like they've got time to come over here and tell us to leave. Or call mall security."

Anakin groans. "But now he's gonna think I'm a creepy stalker!"

"You _are_ a creepy stalker."

Padmé pats him on the arm. "Come on, let's go check out the rest of the Santas."

Anakin sighs. "Oh, alright."

They finish up their round of the Santas and Ahsoka barely refrains from bursting out into laughter at every sigh and pout and glum look Anakin gives each Santa that isn't the one they had left on the second floor.

His spirits perk up when they're sitting at the food court, though, and he defends the second floor Santa's crown of Hottest Santa as if his life depends on it. Padmé and Ahsoka start arguing for other Santas just for the fun of watching Anakin nearly explode from indignant rage that they're doubting the hotness of the second floor Santa.

Finally, they concede that he's right (because he is; that second floor Santa really had been the hottest) and he pumps his fist in the air.

"So now what?" Ahsoka asks.

"Now," Anakin says with smug satisfaction, "I go back to the second floor and try to woo that Santa."

Ahsoka pulls a face. "Really?"

Padmé nods. "Yeah. But you don't want to watch it. It's cringe-inducing."

"Hey!"

"Sorry Anakin, but it's true. You just...are not smooth at picking people up."

"I managed to pick _you_ up for dinner a couple of years ago."

"That was _in spite of_ your horrible flirting, not because. And then I stayed friends with you because you clearly needed my help if you were ever going to find the love of your life."

Anakin huffs. "Well, this guy is it, I'm sure of it."

Ahsoka raises both her brows in surprise. "Shouldn't you wait to see what he looks like out of the costume before saying that? Or at least until you've talked to him and found out his name?"

"Details," Anakin dismisses. "If you're not going to be supportive, it's just as well you don't come with me."

"I almost want to, just to watch the train wreck. But I told Plo I'd be back in time for dinner."

"I'll give you a ride home," Padmé offers.

"Thanks! Bye, Anakin. Good luck on winning over your future husband!"

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You won't be laughing when he turns out to be a total hottie and my plus one to all our parties."

Ahsoka rolls her eyes but Padmé says, "Just let him have his fantasy," and nudges her to get up. "See you tomorrow, Anakin."

Anakin waves at them but is already making his way back towards the escalators before they've even left. He finds an out-of-the-way bench set in a nook in the wall and settles there as nonchalantly as he can.

Five minutes in, he's pretty sure he's been made by the definitely-ex-military elves.

There's a sign at the front of the Santa display, though, stating that Santa's going to be taking a dinner break at six which is....in thirty minutes. Anakin pulls out his phone so he can look like he's got something to do while he covertly watches Santa and his twin helpers. They close up the line at a quarter to the hour and Anakin can hear one of the elves explaining to parents that Santa's about to go on his dinner break and could they come back later or on a different day.

Most parents just shrug and agree. Some suggest to their kids that they go find a different Santa. That is inevitably met with staunch refusals by the kids who insist that it has to be this Santa that they talk to, because this is the real one and the others are all fakes.

Anakin snorts but figures that the same thing that's charmed him about this Santa has also caught the attention of all the children too. Or some of the children, anyway. He remembers the other Santas having pretty long lines so other children must not be as discriminating as these.

Finally, it hits six and the last child is being escorted back to his parents with a copy of the picture he had taken with Santa. The elves go to close the little white gate but Santa calls one of them to him.

Then he gestures _right_ at Anakin, _fuck_.

The elf sighs the most put-upon sigh Anakin has ever seen someone give and then stalks over to where Anakin's sitting. He scrambles up and tucks away his phone and picks up his bag of video games. Shit shit shit, he curses to himself. Is Santa siccing his ex-military pals on him? He's debating making a run for it but would the elf just chase him down and tackle him? Surely, he's not really going to beat Anakin up. Maybe he'll just get a stern talking-to. He should probably face that like a man.

The elf reaches him while he's still caught in indecision.

"Hi, happy holidays," the elf drones perfunctorily. "I'm Cody. Santa wants to speak with you."

Anakin swallows. There's no hint about Santa's intentions in the elf's announcement. "Uh, okay. Sure. Yeah, sounds good."

The elf, Cody, nods shortly and executes a perfectly sharp turnabout and stalks back. His jaunty green hat and bright green outfit is completely at odds with his seriousness.

 _Definitely ex-military_ , Anakin thinks hysterically.

Cody leads Anakin under the arch; the other elf stands at attention at the gate and narrows his eyes at Anakin as he passes. _Definitely twins_ , Anakin concludes. Their features are almost scarily alike, except that Cody's hair is dark brown and the other one's is blond. Both of them have the same military buzz cut, though.

The other elf closes the gate behind Anakin and comes up to bracket him on his other side. "I'm Rex," he says and he sounds a little friendlier than Cody.

Speaking of—"You even think about hurting Santa and we'll kill you," the devil says.

Anakin chuckles nervously but trails off when he realizes that even Rex is nodding seriously to this.

The three of them stop in front of Santa, who's sitting comfortably in his plush red chair. This close, Anakin can make out hints of red under his fake white beard and white curly wig. He looks excessively amused and Anakin wonders if he and the elves are pranking him as payback for watching them.

"Hello, and who might you be?" Santa asks with a posh and polished accent.

Anakin gets the sense that Santa already knows who he is but is just asking for politeness' sake. But that's silly, right? "I'm Anakin," he says anyway.

Santa nods like Anakin's just confirmed something for him. "You've been watching us for awhile," Santa says. "Would you like to join us for dinner?"

"Uh," Anakin says. He eyes the elves at his sides, who look like they're resigned to having to put up with Anakin's presence but would like nothing more than for Anakin to say no and leave. _Why the fuck not, though?_ Anakin decides. This is the perfect opportunity for him to talk to Santa and find out who he is. If his buddies have a problem with it, then that's just too bad for them. "Yeah, I'd love to," he says almost defiantly.

"Excellent!" Santa says and his smile widens. He gets up and leads the way to a small covered pavilion behind the platform with his chair. There are curtains that shield it from curious eyes on all sides but once they enter, Anakin finds that it contains a decent sized table and four chairs. It feels more spacious than it had looked from outside.

After they're all inside and the curtains have been tied back into place, Santa removes his hat, wig, and beard and Anakin is relieved to see that he looks like a (gorgeous) man in his late thirties or early forties with straight ginger-colored hair and a well-groomed beard.

"I'm not nearly old enough to actually have white hair and a white beard," Santa says as if that's why Anakin's looking at the wig. "I've only just inherited the suit, actually."

"So this is a family business?" Anakin asks, amused. "Your dad was a Santa?"

"Adopted father and yeah, you can say that. Santa's a title, really. My name is Obi-Wan." Obi-Wan pulls a teapot over to him and pours out four steaming cups of tea.

"Obi-Wan. Nice to meet you." Anakin accepts his cup with a nod of thanks. "My friend Ahsoka is adopted too. Where's your dad at? Is he....?"

"Retired with his wife to a warm tropical island? Yes, he is."

That isn't quite what Anakin had been trying to hint delicately at but it's a much better outcome. He wonders if he had come perilously close to putting his foot in his mouth. Cody sets a plate down in front of him with some steamed vegetables and grilled chicken just then and Anakin catches sight of pointed tips on the ear closest to him. He does a double take but he still doesn't see the seam where the tip connects with the rest of the ear.

"You've got good props, man," he comments. "I bet you guys win all the cosplay competitions, huh?" Cody just gives him an odd look. "I didn't think anyone did the Santa gig full-time though," he says to Obi-Wan. "What do you do the rest of the year?"

"Oh, just random odd jobs," Obi-Wan says.

"Huh, must be interesting. Also, good idea, getting twins to be your elves. You guys are a bit intense, though. You might want to tone down the ex-military vibe."

Cody and Rex exchange looks with each other and then with Obi-Wan who just quirks his lips in a crooked smile.

"We're not," Rex says.

"Not what?"

"Not _ex_ anything," Cody says.

"Oh. Okay...." Well, this is awkward.

"So, Anakin. What do you do?" Obi-Wan breaks in.

Anakin gladly turns back to him instead of the scary twins. "Civil engineering. Well, that's what I had studied in school, anyway. I'm just in an entry-level position right now. Which is fine, I'll work my way up soon."

Obi-Wan hums and asks him what it's like, to be an engineer. Their dinner break passes quickly; far too quickly.

Anakin finds himself returning the next day, around the same time so that he can catch Obi-Wan for dinner. "So," he asks Obi-Wan. "You got a Mrs. Claus?"

"No, actually. Why? Are you interested?"

Anakin grins. "Yeah, I just might be."

He returns again the next evening. And the next. And the next.

Cody and Rex eventually open up to him. Cody has a very dry sense of humor that Anakin doesn't always get; Rex is more sarcastic. Some days, it's not them but two other men in the elves costumes. They look just like Cody and Rex, though.

"Whoa, so you guys are quadruplets?" Anakin asks when he meets Waxer and Boil. "Cool! Also, interesting names."

"They're nicknames. And yeah, something like that," Waxer says. He and Boil also move like ex-(or whatever) military.

"Wait," Ahsoka says one day, when they're eating lunch on her school campus and he's telling her about how he could become Mrs. Claus. "So you've been going back every day to have dinner with this guy?"

"Yeah. Usually he's got some food packed but on the days he doesn't, I pick up something at the mall and bring it over to him and whoever he's got with him."

"The military elves?"

"Yeah. They haven't said which branch they belong to or why they're volunteering for this gig, but they're cool guys."

"And Santa? Obi-Wan, I mean?"

"He's amazing. He's funny and smart and kind and—"

"What's under the suit?" Ahsoka cuts in.

"Ahsoka! I'm not just going to sleep with him after knowing him for a couple of _days_!"

Ahsoka waits.

"Okay, fine, I would have made an exception for him, but he said he'd rather we actually dated a bit first."

"Huh, Santa has a romantic streak. I guess that's not surprising. You haven't taken him out on a date yet?"

Anakin shakes his head. "He heads straight home right after work; says he's got a lot to do these days but that he'll have much more time after the holidays. Something about comparing lists and making sure things match up and that everything's proceeding on schedule."

"Lists?"

"Yeah, so it turns out that Cody and Rex, and Waxer and Boil, when they're there, are keeping track of who's showing up to see him and what they're asking for."

"And they're comparing it to....?"

"I don't know, some other list that Obi-Wan's got at home?"

Ahsoka furrows her brow at him. "Anakin, are you sure Obi-Wan's not pulling your leg on this one?"

"What do you mean?" Anakin asks her with a frown.

"'He's making a list? He's checking it twice?'" Ahsoka says in a bit of a sing-song tone. When it's clear that Anakin isn't following, she rolls her eyes. "From the song 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town'!"

"Oh. OH!" Anakin's eyes widen with the implication. "Wait, are you saying that he's pretending he's really Santa to see if I'm falling for it?"

Ahsoka shrugs. "I don't know."

"No way," Anakin says immediately. "Obi-Wan would never....would he? I mean, I guess I don't really know the guy, I only met him a couple of days ago. _Fuck_ ," Anakin curses, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "What if you're right? What if he's been playing me for a fool this whole time and he and Cody and Rex have been laughing behind my back every night?"

Ahsoka squeezes his shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sure it's not like that."

"Then why'd you bring it up?"

"Well...maybe you can just ask them what's going on?"

Anakin groans. The last thing he wants to do is confront Obi-Wan about something like this. What's he even going to say? 'Hey, so a friend of mine pointed out that you might have been mocking me for the past couple of days and I've just been a really oblivious idiot but I really like you and I really hope she's wrong'? But he supposes that it would be better to find out now than later, when he's walking down the aisle.

The next day, he's quietly worrying about the issue so much that Obi-Wan must notice because the other man pauses in his eating, reaches out and touches his wrist lightly and says, "Hey, are you okay? You seem distracted."

And that....that's the best opening he's going to get so Anakin tentatively brings up what Ahsoka had said about the song and Obi-Wan's reported activities. "I just want to make sure this isn't all a joke to you. Or something. Because I've been honest with you about everything and this is really important to me and I just, you know, hope that it's important to you, too," he finishes lamely.

Obi-Wan smiles softly at him and squeezes his hand. "Of course this is important to me." He tilts his head at Anakin and seems to come to a decision. "Do you want to come with me tonight? See what it is we do after work? You don't have to stay the whole night."

Anakin hesitates. "It isn't anything illegal, is it?"

Obi-Wan laughs heartily. "No, no. Nothing illegal at all."

"Okay, then," Anakin agrees. Then he texts Ahsoka and Padmé to let them know what's going on so that if Obi-Wan turns out to be a serial killer, they'll be able to alert the police.

He stays until Obi-Wan, Cody, and Rex close up the Santa booth for the night. Then he follows them out to a little red convertible in the outdoor parking lot.

"It's solar-powered," Obi-Wan says. "Much better for the environment. We stopped using reindeer a few years ago when they revolted."

"What."

"I'm just kidding. It was ten years ago and there was no revolt. Their union rep came to my father with a proposal for a change in their contracts."

"What," Anakin repeats but Obi-Wan just smiles beatifically at him.

"Come on," Obi-Wan says. "Ready to believe in Christmas miracles again?"

"Uh, sure, why not?" Anakin says and gets in the car.

* * *

Later that night, Ahsoka's phone blows up with a steady stream of texts:

'OMG.'

'he wasn't PRETENDING.'

'i'm gonna be Mrs. Claus!!!!'

'(he hasn't asked yet but it's just a matter of time. i know it.)'

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please feel free to come chat with me on [tumblr](http://likealeafonthewind.tumblr.com) or [LJ](http://todriftornot.livejournal.com)!


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